I'm in yoga class and I can barely find my
toes. This is embarrassing because I'm
the teacher.
My body hurts. My hips are tight and stiff. And not just my
hips. I'm starting to feel all of my
joints complaining like they haven't in years.
Since before yoga. I'm puffy. My face and chest are broken out in
"adolescent acne". I'm 51.
Today's playlist includes James Brown's
"I feel Good." It mocks me. The
IBS I had under control has returned with a vengeance. I feel anything but good.
All I want to do after class is wallow in a
giant bag of chips and some wine. One of
my students approaches me, "What's going on with you?"
I'm off my diet.
Can I prove that all of these symptoms are
food related? Perhaps not but when I was
100% compliant a year ago to a diet based on eliminating 68 foods (yup!) that
bloods tests revealed I was sensitive to - I felt infinitely better. There were no "elephants sitting on my
chest" post lunch, or the need for a nap.
I felt lighter, like my body simply worked better. I was lighter.
So why did I go off of it? I think the only satisfying answer to that is
- I'm human. I cleaned out my system,
started re-introducing foods, felt fine, continued having them. And having them. And the slope
was gradual. Between bites of
fresh baguette I would tell myself stories.
"It's not really the food.
Those blood tests mean nothing. Have some cheese. Eliminating all that food can't be good for
you. You're getting too thin. It doesn't
make sense that what you eat would affect your breathing. Or your sleep. No one likes a thin middle-aged woman. Hot flashes are normal. Just have a little."
But
I never have "just a little."
I love baking. I like eating said
baking. I love filling the house with the
warm scent of pie-crusts, cheese buns and chocolate chip cookies.
And the more of those things I eat, the
worse I feel, the more inclined I am to eat them. It slides from that to chips and candy. Until my intestines start screaming at me to
stop. Oh diverticulum I am sorry.
Just when I'm hitting bottom, knowing it's
time to go back to checking the extensive and complicated list of things I
should and should eat, but not having
the will power to start , a friend posts on Facebook, "I'm doing The Whole 30 again," - 30
days with no dairy, grains, legumes, sugar of any sort (except what's found in
whole fruits), additives or alcohol. No
wine. No exceptions. No Cheating. "Who's
in?"
I am.
I am on Day 7. This is my second time around. Some things are harder. Some things are easier... I find that reading the book, "It Starts with Food" really helps with the motivation. And remembering the justification for some of the restrictions. I have to go hour by hour. Sometimes, I am convinced that I want to be 100% compliant. And other times, I think that doing this one week had really helped me remember what it felt like to eat clean. And maybe that's enough to keep on the clean eating train. But I have recently moved to China (no little stress to that in itself) and some of the things are virtually impossible to maintain. I can't read labels. They are either in Chinese or are covered in Chinese labels that don't come off. Products that I do recognise are available in one shop across town and are costly.
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, getting fresh fruits and veggies are as easy as walking out of my building to the street, at most hours of the day. Quality meat and proteins are entirely different story. While I can find some, beef is crazy expensive, especially the parts that I would consider eating. I have only one place where I can buy chicken breasts. But variety is tough... And I just hate cooking. But I was beginning to base my meals around Lay's potato chips and I could see my stomach bloating and shrinking in cycles....
So, all that being said, I lived through a week. People at school are used to me sitting down at lunch and chowing down on a whole carrot. (I haven't really enjoyed salad dressing since my first Whole 30, last March) Their eyes, students and teachers alike, bugged out of their heads... Carrots are not so popular here. I lived through the "Kill all the things stage" and while I haven't had the headaches that could come, my energy is a roller coaster.... So I am living hour to hour... Thank God I don't have to give up coffee.....
You certainly have some hurtles Emily. Wow. I can't even imagine doing the diet without cooking. I'm not sure what It Starts With Food says about Chips, but The Whole 30 very definitely says no. Not because they are off diet but because they are against the principle of the thing. They really aren't "food." Sigh. Keeping coffee is certainly what kept me going on my last elimination diet. I was allowed wine in that one too though. Sob.
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